Tuesday, August 9, 2011

London Rioter Evokes Memory of Boadicea To Justify Stealing TV

As riots raged across London, causing the sky to fill with the smoke of burning buildings, 22-year-old London resident Nigel Hythe, pictured here, evoked the memory of Boadicea to justify his stealing of a 42-inch Panasonic television from the local electronics store.
"Just as the great warrior queen burned down Londonium circa 60 AD to fight against Roman tyranny, we do the same in our modern world," Hythe said, careful not to drop his ill-gotten gains.
Boadicea, who was queen of the Celtic Iceni tribe, launched a complete uprising against the Romans after her husband, a long-time ally of Rome, died and Rome annexed all of his lands and ignored his will. Upon protesting, Boadicea was whipped and her daughters assaulted.
"We will not stand for the tyranny of our government, we are a free people!" Hythe shouted to several other looters who wouldn't have known Boadicea from The Situation. "This is our uprising, this is our time!"
Hythe, who hoped to compliment his new television with an Xbox and several games, also tweeted "Boadicea lives again!" on Twitter, garnering a confused response from his four followers.
Upon placing the television in his home, Hythe returned to the streets and assisted in the tipping over of a vehicle belonging to a nearby resident who will now be taking public transit to both their jobs.
"When Boadicea rose up against the Romans, she struck a blow against tyranny and injustice and that is what we are doing now," Hythe said, mispronouncing Boadicea's name once again. "This is what we are doing!"
When asked about why the riots happened, Hythe went through a number of reasons including government oppression, high tuition prices and the high level of crime in one of the safest and most stable countries on Earth, which enjoys a high level of freedom within its democracy.
At last reports, Hythe had stolen both an Xbox and PS3 in the name of freedom and Boadicea, while tweeting "Got some nice shitz bitches! Whoo Whoo Riot!" on Twitter.

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