Local Neil Patrick Harris Wishes Actor Neil Patrick Harris Didn't Hog Google Rankings

Local cafe owner and former town councillor Neil Patrick Harris has voiced his displeasure over "that other Neil Patrick Harris" for hogging Google rankings.
According to reports, Harris was doing a search for himself on Google only to find all entries going to at least page 20 on Google were filled with the actor Neil Patrick Harris, best known for his roles on How I Met Your Mother and Doogie Howser M.D.
"Don't get me wrong, they guy is a great actor and pretty funny, but I want to see what people are saying about me," the non-famous Harris said. "I don't know who Harold and Kumar are, but they keep showing up in these rankings, above me even, it irks me I must say."
Harris, the non-famous one and not the well-known actor who has made us laugh for over 20 years, has reportedly gone as far as page 30 before finally giving up.
"I know more about How I Met Your Mother than I really want to know now," the obscure Harris who will be forgotten to history in only a few decades said. "All I want to know is where my name pops up but pretty boy needs all the rankings I guess."
Councillor Harris, whose biggest bit of fame came when he was featured in a 4-H Club newspaper photo in 1990, which was around the same time the other Neil Patrick Harris was making us laugh, cry and applaud with his potrayal of Doogie Howser.
"I tried to narrow down the results by putting in 'Neil Patrick Harris' -funny -tonyawards -'How I Met Your Mother' -Doogie -'Unicorn Rainbow' -awesome' but he still takes up most of the rankings," Harris said while angerly hitting the arrow key on his keyboard
Recently, the unknown Harris gave up on using Facebook.
"I kept getting friend requests from people saying they love Doogie. I thought it was some sort of drug until I looked it up online. I can't even tell people that to find me they just need to search for my name on Facebook because he hogs so many accounts with his fame," Harris yelled to the sky in a vain attempt to understand why God cursed him with such a name. "His Twitter account is ActuallyNPH, so who am I? NotActuallyNPH?"
Three months ago, Harris, who makes a great latte, created a Twitter account to give people updates on council matters. While initially elated to have 20,000 followers, he soon realized that it was a case of mistaken identity by his followers, who believed he was the well-known and never-to-be-forgotten Neil Patrick Harris.
"I would change my name but, well, I had it first so, maybe he should change his," Harris said as he stared off into the distance all reflective-like.
The famous Neil Patrick Harris, who not only acts but sings and practices magic, could not be reached for comment at this time.

World Governments Deems Liking Own Status A "Douche Maneuver"

In an emergency session of the United Nations General Assembly, the leaders of the world were unanimous in their decision to label liking your own Facebook status as a "douche maneuver". The world's governments came together in an unprecedented fashion to bring about this world-changing decision.
"From this point forward, writing up a status and then clicking like on it as if you were some sort of egotistical maniac bent on gaining approval, anyone's approval, even your own, will be known as a douche maneuver," Ban Ki-moon, Secretary-General of the United Nations said following the vote which saw only France and the United States vote against it.
"The United States prides itself on its ability to like what it creates. We like the light bulb, the automobile and landing on the moon, so why can't we like our own witty comments about what we did that day?" said Susan Rice, the United States Ambassador to the United Nations. "The United States cannot sit idly by waiting for someone to like what we write on Facebook, it is up to all Americans to get things started and clicking like on something we just wrote 15 seconds ago."
Prime Minister Stephen Harper of Canada had a different take on the whole matter.
"Why would you click like on your own status? You wrote the mother [censored] status, so why would you click like on it?" Harper asked while glancing down at his iPhone waiting to see if anyone liked his status about his brothers cat having kittens yet. "No, liking your own status is as bad as putting big decals on the back of your Mazda that say "MAZDA", having a barb-wire tattoo or putting truck-nuts on your truck."
Douche bags around the world however were outraged.
"Don't tread on me! Don't tell me I can't like my own status! It is freedom of speech, the 17th amendment people!" said Rufus T. Spalding, a native of Arkansas who has a poor understanding of his own constitutional amendments.
"AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THE [censored] UN TELLING ME ITS NOT OKAY TO LIKE MY OWN STATUS!!!!!!!" said the status on Jessica Fransisco's Facebook wall. Fifteen seconds later, Fransisco clicked like. Whether this was done ironically, counter-culturally or simply because she is a douche is not known at this time.
Most around the world however, applaud the decision by the United Nations.
"I will click like on that resolution!" said Magovernor Tannenbalm after hearing the news and writing a quick status of satisfaction on his Facebook wall. "And my 89 Facebook friends can click like on that....but I won't be!"
Next up for the United Nations is a resolution asking that all people who take a photo of themselves with their phone in front of a mirror with their shirt off be classified as "f*cking 'tards"