City officials proudly open new park that teenagers will soon be fornicating in

It was a day of pomp and pageantry as officials in the small Canadian town of Frederson opened up a new park dedicated to the founding pioneers that worked so hard to build the town into what it is today, and the same park that teenagers will soon be loudly fornicating in by week's end.
"It is a proud moment for us to open up Pioneer Park for all the wonderful citizens of the town to enjoy for many years to come," Mayor Floyd Henderson said, while leaving out that the watchful gaze of the statue in the park will soon fall on the white ass of a teenager exploring his sexuality like a drunken walrus.
"Our pioneers worked so hard to make this town, and now we can take our children here and teach them about the sacrifices and heroism of those who made this town great," Mayor Henderson said.
City officials were excited for the announcement and reveled in the high that comes from a park opening in that brief honeymoon period before the park becomes a haven for drunken teenagers smashing bottles and using the outstretched bronze arm of town founder Jeremiah MacIntosh for support during fornicating efforts.
"My great-grandfather would be so proud of this moment," Samantha MacIntosh, whose son would soon be urinated on the statue of his ancestor while loudly screaming at the moon, said.
As of press time, the park had been used by one man to walk his dog, a homeless man to relieve himself and three teenagers who photographed themselves giving the statue a Rod Carew.