Ringo Starr Revealed To Be A Muppet

In a shocking turn of events, Ringo Starr, former drummer of The Beatles and sunglasses enthusiast, admitted on his 71st birthday that he is in fact a muppet. The news did not come as a surprise to many close to Starr who routinely saw evidence of Starr as a muppet given his close relationship with the late Jim Henson, the talking bird that lives in his house and the puppeteer who controls Starr with two sticks and a hand up his backside.
Starr was quoted as saying "Now that the truth is finally out, I can accept who I am and not feel subconsious about eating cookies that crunch in my mouth and fall all around me because, you know, I don't have an throat, or any internal organs.
Starr shot to fame as a member of The Beatles, who during their time were the top band in the world and would largely be forgotten now if not for the song-writing talents of Starr and his ability to create complex harmonies and melodies through a god-given talent for music. Starr was joined in The Beatles by bandmates George Henderson, Paul MacArthur and John Leonard.
Originally, the Beatles were going to go with well-known drummer and scholar Carlton "Animal" Winchester the IV, before choosing Starr after watching him play the drums with his fingers on a park bench.
From all of us at I Just Want My Kids Back, we wish the most famous muppet on the planet, Ringo Starr, a happy 71st birthday.